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Single's Cafe
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If you are contemplating dating, there are several questions you need to have answered
I have counseled couples whom I have felt were often too playful. Later it was discovered that too
much playfulness resulted in sharing harsh jokes about one another which in turn led to the
problem of disrespect in the relationship. My experience has taught me that sometimes
individuals use a joking format to say to you what they really mean to say under the guise of ‘just
kidding.’ Therefore, be leery of too much joking and playing, these are tell tale signs of immaturity
and often a cover up for what’s lurking under a plastered smile.
Here are several questions I would suggest you ask your date:
Question #1 What are your expectations?
It is very vital to find out what your date’s expectation of the relationship is. Perhaps they simply
want a friend, someone they can watch movies or eat dinner with. What do they expect from you?
Are they being too demanding or too lenient? What are you looking for in the relationship? Are
you seeking a serious friendship or just a friend? Do you expect this person to cover the costs of
your entertainment and has that been communicated? Do you expect this person to treat you like
the friend in your past or have you been completely healed from the past and ready to start
afresh?
Question #2 What are your most prized possessions?
Find out where your friend’s treasures are? How much value do they place on their family? Too
much or too little? Have you observed how much they prize their material wealth? For example,
do they park at the rear of the parking lot to avoid their car being scratched or dented at the
expense of you walking in the rain, ladies? Or fellas, does she place you on hold each time she
receives a phone call for extended periods of time? What does this person hold dear to heart?
Can you handle that?
Question #3 Where do you stand in faith?
Is this person a believer or are you compromising? Does he or she attend worship services
regularly or would you consider them an absentee Christian? What is their salvation based upon?
How long have they been saved and does their seniority or infancy in Christianity present a
problem? Have you visited their church? How compatible are you in the Spirit? If you have a
calling in ministry, how does this person view you in ministry? Can you depend on their support? If
you are active in ministry, has this person supported you? Will they?
Question #4 How did you end your last relationship?
Have you completely closed the last chapter on the book of your last relationship? Are the
memories too painful? Do you flinch or feel butterflies in your stomach when you see that person or
when their name is mentioned? Are you comparing your present friend to the past friend? Has the
former friend moved on to another relationship, and if so, have you been able to bless that
relationship sincerely? If children are involved, take plenty of time for total emotional healing
before pursuing another relationship. Have you been delivered of jealousy and strife?
Question #5 What are your ideas about sex?
Does your friend view chastity the same as you? Are they willing to wait until marriage? Do they
understand that fornication and foreplay are sinful acts against the body? Are you dressing in a
way which sexually provokes your friend? Are your conversations sexually suggestive? Are you
viewing pornographic material? Do you realize that sex before marriage is unacceptable and
brings about a curse to the marriage? If you are serious about marriage and within a few weeks of
the wedding date, a serious discussion of your sexual expectations needs to take place, other
than that, sexual conversations and activity should be prohibited from a Godly male and female
relationship.
Question #6 Do you have a sexually transmitted disease?
I know this is putting it quite blunt, but if you all are planning marriage, sex is certainly a major part
and your health needs to be respected. Has this person been sexually active with any partner
prior to your relationship and have they been tested for venereal disease? When was the last time
they had a medical checkup? Does this person have a history of homosexual relationships? Have
you heard any rumors which seems to be substantiated? Do you trust this person with your health
by engaging in sexual intercourse after marriage?
Question #7 Will you tell me your secrets?
Honesty is the best policy. If your friend cannot truthfully and honestly answer your probing
questions while dating, need not think they will superficially turn Honest Abe after marriage. Is
there a history or domestic abuse in past relationships? Is there a history of mental abuse? Is this
person bi-polar, suffering from multiple personalities? Does this person have a history of substance
abuse? Have they recently been rehabilitated? Have they been sexually abused as a child?
Believe it or not but many childhood secrets do not manifest in individuals until adulthood and if
your friend honestly admits their secrets, you can help them find the assistance they need for
complete deliverance.
Question #8 Do you have a criminal record?
You are contemplating the person you may spend the rest of your life with. You will sleep beside
this person, you will shop with this person, you will rear children with this person, therefore you
need to know if this person has criminal tendencies. Have you checked this person’s criminal
record? How many times have they been arrested? Will this present a problem for rental or
employment applications?
Question #9 Do you have any children?
Children born out of the marriage changes the dynamics of the relationship? How many children
are there? What is the relationship with the child’s mother or father? Is the child being financially
supported and will this present a hardship on the household finances? If the child is not being
financially supported, why not? Is there a child support court order? What are the visitation rights?
How did the relationship with the child’s parent end? Is there respect between the parents and
how much respect? Will there be children born in the marriage? How will they relate to the older
children? What are the ages of the older children? Will you accept the older children, will they
accept your older children?
Question #10 Who disciplines the children and how?
Discuss your methods and theories on disciplining the children.
Question #11 How do you define Husband and Wife?
Believe it or not, your ideas of each other’s role may vary by a landslide. He may not want you to
work outside of the home. She may find it unnecessary to cook solid meals on a regular basis. Who
does what in the home? How is money earned, spent, and saved? Who will control the finances?
Who will maintain the home? Will the responsibilities be shared or divided and how so? How will
major decisions be made? Who will shoulder the majority of the weight in the home?
Question #12 Where is your family?
A common misconception is that once you marry the person, no one else in the person’s family
matters. How does the family view your relationship? Will they play an active role in your married
life and to what extent? Are their frequent family gatherings and if so, have you discussed as a
couple how and when you will be attending? Are their genetic abnormalities in the family? Does
the family have a history of chronic ailments? Are there active generational curses circulating
which will impact your household. What is your pre-marital relationship with the family? Do they
like you? Do you like them? Do they compare you to your friend’s past friends? Is there mutual
respect? Do you feel accepted or intimidated by their family? Have you communicated your open
and honest feelings about the family to your friend?
Question #13 How do you handle disagreements?
When a disagreement arises, and it will, how do you handle it? Are their quick and sensible
solutions offered or does a disagreement linger for days on end? How quick are either one of you
to repent to the other? Is pride a factor? When disagreements arise, do you find one another
becoming harsh and insensitive? When you make up, do you feel the issue is really resolved or
swept under? Do you feel afraid to express your feelings? Does the person often threaten to leave
you if you disagree? How often do you pray together?
Question #14 Do you have vision for your life as a couple?
What are your plans and your goals? Are they Christ centered or self centered? Are your visions
realistic and attainable? Are you able to work toward your visions? Is it feasible or fantasy? Do you
both share a similar vision? Are you ridiculed for your vision? Are you embarrassed to share your
vision?
Question #15 Do you like your job?
Assuming both individuals have a job, how do you feel about it? Do you complain every day
about co-workers? Are you always late or call out sick for no reason. Are you a good and
dependable worker? Are you friendly to work with and be around? Have there been complaints
about performance? How stable a worker are you?
Question #16 How much money do you have and how much do you owe?
How good of a financial steward is your friend? Is there a bank account? Any credit cards? Any
loans? Have you reviewed their credit score? If you are contemplating marriage, your credit score
may determine where you live and what you drive. Is this person financially sound? Could he take
care of you if you were to become pregnant? Could she take care of the household if you were to
become ill?
Question #17 What don’t you like about this person?
Not matter how long anyone has been with anyone, there will always be a list of things you will not
like? How do you cope with them? How do they cope with you?
Question #18 What do you like about this person?
Loving a person also involves liking the person. Many have fallen in love with people they don’t
like, but what is it about this person that you like? What do you enjoy about this person and what
do they enjoy about you? The answer should be longer than the answer to the previous question.
As you can see from what I have outline here, the conversation you hold with your friend needs to
be very comprehensive. You may or may not feel comfortable asking them, but if the relationship
is heading for the wedding chapel, I strongly encourage you to take off your rose colored glasses
and see this person for who they really are. Many a marriage would have been saved had the
couples taken the time to study and learn the person whom they were about to marry.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Desires of Your Heart
by Prophetess Delisa Lindsey
“Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way
unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.” Psalms 37:4-5
No matter what we have achieved in life, not having that special someone to share it with leaves
a bitter aftertaste. We weren’t designed to be alone; in fact, God said it is not good for man
(mankind) to be alone. In the beginning, the Father had just created a paradise on earth. The
animals were yoking with their kin, the birds were flying high together, the creatures of the sea
were swimming in their schools, yet Adam had no suitable helpmate. Adam was made CEO of
Eden. He was the government on earth and enjoyed an intimate relationship with the Father. He
had everything he needed, except a helpmate. As lovely as the Garden was, as exotic as the
animals were, as intriguing as the new creation was, he was still alone. Adam was in a crowd, but
he was alone.
God saw Adam’s heart and his yearning for companionship, just like He sees yours. He said, “It is
not good for man to be alone.” When God created you, he filled you with a longing for your other
half. This desire wakes up in each of us about the same time. We long for someone who
complements us, who makes up the shortcomings within us. We long for the touch, the fulfillment of
someone else accepting and loving us other than our immediate families. We yearn for someone
to share a life with.
Psalms 37:4-5 tells us to delight ourselves in the Lord. If the Lord is our delight, we will be satisfied
with Him. No, He can’t offer the same type of companionship of someone in flesh and blood, but if
our hearts are set on pleasing Him and serving Him, the season of single-ness passes much faster
than otherwise. Paul admonishes the unmarried to devote their bodies and minds to the Lord.
Once these are submitted to the Lord, the enemy can’t tempt and seduce as at other times.
Consider Isaac, Abraham’s son (Genesis 24). Once his mother, Sarah, passed, he was lonely and
lacked the companionship of a female, albeit his mother. Isaac kept his mind preoccupied with
caring for his father’s herds and flocks. Abraham saw the loneliness of his son and beckoned to his
servant to secure a suitable mate for Isaac. Abraham was very specific in that he wanted his son
to marry a woman of good stock. He sent his servant to find the young woman who would meet his
son’s needs. The servant was very specific to follow the details Abraham outlined for him and
secured the young woman, Rebekah. Once Rebekah and the servant returned, the bible
mentioned that as the servant and Rebekah returned, Isaac had completed his day’s work and
was in the field meditating. When Rebekah laid eyes on him, she inquired concerning him and
once she discovered he was to be her husband, she jumped off the camel to meet her husband.
There are several lessons to be learned here. First, Isaac was not seeking a wife, although he had
every right to, he chose to remain faithful to his father, Abraham. Spiritually speaking, when we are
faithful to our Father, what good thing(s) would He withhold from us. If we are seeking His Kingdom
and His righteousness, all the desires of our hearts will be added to us. Added to us – means He
freely gives them to us. Just as He formed Eve from Adam’s side, He is forming your mate also. He
knows who you need and what you need better than you think you do. Occupy yourself while you
are waiting. Stay busy for the Lord, volunteer some of your extra time with the youth or the elderly.
Spend time in prayer and meditations, something you may not have so much time to devote to
once you are married and rearing children. Get to know yourself. Pay attention to what makes you
tick, what upsets you, what cheers you. Work on the areas of your life which may be problematic in
your upcoming marriage. Practice cooking, cleaning, and sharing. Most importantly, trust God to
provide a mate for you. Don’t select for yourself. Samson’s testimony would be more effective had
he not fallen for Delilah’s beauty and charm.
Trusting God to provide you with a mate can be a difficult thing to do if you don’t trust Him. If your
faith in the Father is not sufficient to depend on Him, utilize faith builders. Study passages of
scripture on faith. Talk to others in your congregation who are strong in faith. Find good, scriptural
books on faith authored by well known and respected Christian authors. Ask your pastor about
additional resources you may use to encourage you to build a long lasting and trusting
relationship with the Lord.
Isaac trusted his father because he knew his father loved him. He knew that whatever he needed,
his father has always provided, why would he fall short in this area? Marriage is the most important
event in our life, with the obvious except of receiving salvation. Marriage is a life long process
when done according to God’s plan. Marriages fail today because God can’t commit Himself to
something He had no part in. He will keep together what He joined together, He is Alpha and
Omega, beginning and ending. He will see His marriages through, but those who marry for the
wrong reasons, sex, money, glamour, etc, have an expiration date attached to their marriage
license.
Abraham chose Rebekah from good stock. In other words, she descended from a good family. She
was Abraham’s niece. (Marrying a relative is not an option today; the world is densely populated
in these modern times) Nevertheless, he wanted his son to marry a woman who would love his son,
who would submit to him, and properly raise their children. Today, we have legions of hereditary
curses attached to our blood lines ranging from mental illness, physical illness, deformities,
addictions, habits, and tendencies. Unfortunately, familiarizing oneself with a mate’s family is a
thing of the past. The family structure has been horribly broken in our society to the point that we
don’t know who our spouse’s family members are, nor are we able to discern what probabilities
lay in their blood line which may manifest through our spouse at a later or through the children
being born in the marriage. Abraham performed the first genetic test by choosing a mate from his
own family for his son. Unfortunately, we will see Rebekah entice her youngest son, Jacob to
deceive his father, Isaac. He tricked his older brother, Esau out of his birthright, and much later we
will see Laban, Rachel’s brother deceives Jacob. Family genetics are very important in making
choices for marriage. It is always best to let the Lord choose for you.
The last thought on this topic is the zeal with which Rebekah jumped off her horse. (Personally, I
have taught on this subject many times and each time I manage to make the ladies blush!) Isaac
wasn’t the only child submissive to his father; Rebekah was submissive to her father as well. When
the servant found her, she was working on her father’s farm. First impressions are lasting
impressions. You want to marry someone with a work ethic, not someone looking for a free ride or a
way of escape. Both of these individuals were hard workers. In our lazy society, you don’t
encounter many young people with a mind to work to be a blessing to their families. Today’s
generation has their hands out. Scripture says if a man doesn’t work, neither shall he eat.
Practically, the verse says, you can’t enjoy what you haven’t worked for. Rebekah was ready for
marriage as well, but she understood the process involved. She had to wait for the right person to
come along at the right time. Isaac’s father summoned her, just as your Heavenly Father is
summoning your mate. When she arrived, she was ecstatic. Isaac, a strong, virile, wealthy,
handsome, man of God is capable of making any single woman of God jump off her high horse!
Likewise, Isaac, reeling from his mother’s departure and missing her companionship, no doubt
took a double look at this graceful, strong, beautiful, young woman being thrust at him. It is of no
wonder they consummated their marriage that very night! The lesson learned from this is that
when God draws His sons and His daughters together, He moves quickly. He has already
fashioned your hearts and minds together that you may live a life of love and unity. All you need
to do is simply walk therein.
Contrary to popular opinion, marriages are made in Heaven. God drew our purposes and
destinies in mind when He created Heaven and earth. Why wouldn’t He know who your ‘soul’ mate
is? Why wouldn’t you want to wait on Him to provide? Don’t you want His very best? Don’t settle for
cheap imitations when you can have what genuinely belongs to you.
You have suffered many disappointments and broken relationships throughout your life. You may
even feel frustrated and defeated and have given up hope of finding your other half. I want you to
know today that the Lord has prepared the desires of your heart for you. He is preparing your other
half right now. And the more you rest in Him and desire Him; it will surely come to pass.
© 2011 True Love Church of Refuge. Delisa Lindsey. All Rights Reserved.
I have counseled couples whom I have felt were often too playful. Later it was discovered that too
much playfulness resulted in sharing harsh jokes about one another which in turn led to the
problem of disrespect in the relationship. My experience has taught me that sometimes
individuals use a joking format to say to you what they really mean to say under the guise of ‘just
kidding.’ Therefore, be leery of too much joking and playing, these are tell tale signs of immaturity
and often a cover up for what’s lurking under a plastered smile.
Here are several questions I would suggest you ask your date:
Question #1 What are your expectations?
It is very vital to find out what your date’s expectation of the relationship is. Perhaps they simply
want a friend, someone they can watch movies or eat dinner with. What do they expect from you?
Are they being too demanding or too lenient? What are you looking for in the relationship? Are
you seeking a serious friendship or just a friend? Do you expect this person to cover the costs of
your entertainment and has that been communicated? Do you expect this person to treat you like
the friend in your past or have you been completely healed from the past and ready to start
afresh?
Question #2 What are your most prized possessions?
Find out where your friend’s treasures are? How much value do they place on their family? Too
much or too little? Have you observed how much they prize their material wealth? For example,
do they park at the rear of the parking lot to avoid their car being scratched or dented at the
expense of you walking in the rain, ladies? Or fellas, does she place you on hold each time she
receives a phone call for extended periods of time? What does this person hold dear to heart?
Can you handle that?
Question #3 Where do you stand in faith?
Is this person a believer or are you compromising? Does he or she attend worship services
regularly or would you consider them an absentee Christian? What is their salvation based upon?
How long have they been saved and does their seniority or infancy in Christianity present a
problem? Have you visited their church? How compatible are you in the Spirit? If you have a
calling in ministry, how does this person view you in ministry? Can you depend on their support? If
you are active in ministry, has this person supported you? Will they?
Question #4 How did you end your last relationship?
Have you completely closed the last chapter on the book of your last relationship? Are the
memories too painful? Do you flinch or feel butterflies in your stomach when you see that person or
when their name is mentioned? Are you comparing your present friend to the past friend? Has the
former friend moved on to another relationship, and if so, have you been able to bless that
relationship sincerely? If children are involved, take plenty of time for total emotional healing
before pursuing another relationship. Have you been delivered of jealousy and strife?
Question #5 What are your ideas about sex?
Does your friend view chastity the same as you? Are they willing to wait until marriage? Do they
understand that fornication and foreplay are sinful acts against the body? Are you dressing in a
way which sexually provokes your friend? Are your conversations sexually suggestive? Are you
viewing pornographic material? Do you realize that sex before marriage is unacceptable and
brings about a curse to the marriage? If you are serious about marriage and within a few weeks of
the wedding date, a serious discussion of your sexual expectations needs to take place, other
than that, sexual conversations and activity should be prohibited from a Godly male and female
relationship.
Question #6 Do you have a sexually transmitted disease?
I know this is putting it quite blunt, but if you all are planning marriage, sex is certainly a major part
and your health needs to be respected. Has this person been sexually active with any partner
prior to your relationship and have they been tested for venereal disease? When was the last time
they had a medical checkup? Does this person have a history of homosexual relationships? Have
you heard any rumors which seems to be substantiated? Do you trust this person with your health
by engaging in sexual intercourse after marriage?
Question #7 Will you tell me your secrets?
Honesty is the best policy. If your friend cannot truthfully and honestly answer your probing
questions while dating, need not think they will superficially turn Honest Abe after marriage. Is
there a history or domestic abuse in past relationships? Is there a history of mental abuse? Is this
person bi-polar, suffering from multiple personalities? Does this person have a history of substance
abuse? Have they recently been rehabilitated? Have they been sexually abused as a child?
Believe it or not but many childhood secrets do not manifest in individuals until adulthood and if
your friend honestly admits their secrets, you can help them find the assistance they need for
complete deliverance.
Question #8 Do you have a criminal record?
You are contemplating the person you may spend the rest of your life with. You will sleep beside
this person, you will shop with this person, you will rear children with this person, therefore you
need to know if this person has criminal tendencies. Have you checked this person’s criminal
record? How many times have they been arrested? Will this present a problem for rental or
employment applications?
Question #9 Do you have any children?
Children born out of the marriage changes the dynamics of the relationship? How many children
are there? What is the relationship with the child’s mother or father? Is the child being financially
supported and will this present a hardship on the household finances? If the child is not being
financially supported, why not? Is there a child support court order? What are the visitation rights?
How did the relationship with the child’s parent end? Is there respect between the parents and
how much respect? Will there be children born in the marriage? How will they relate to the older
children? What are the ages of the older children? Will you accept the older children, will they
accept your older children?
Question #10 Who disciplines the children and how?
Discuss your methods and theories on disciplining the children.
Question #11 How do you define Husband and Wife?
Believe it or not, your ideas of each other’s role may vary by a landslide. He may not want you to
work outside of the home. She may find it unnecessary to cook solid meals on a regular basis. Who
does what in the home? How is money earned, spent, and saved? Who will control the finances?
Who will maintain the home? Will the responsibilities be shared or divided and how so? How will
major decisions be made? Who will shoulder the majority of the weight in the home?
Question #12 Where is your family?
A common misconception is that once you marry the person, no one else in the person’s family
matters. How does the family view your relationship? Will they play an active role in your married
life and to what extent? Are their frequent family gatherings and if so, have you discussed as a
couple how and when you will be attending? Are their genetic abnormalities in the family? Does
the family have a history of chronic ailments? Are there active generational curses circulating
which will impact your household. What is your pre-marital relationship with the family? Do they
like you? Do you like them? Do they compare you to your friend’s past friends? Is there mutual
respect? Do you feel accepted or intimidated by their family? Have you communicated your open
and honest feelings about the family to your friend?
Question #13 How do you handle disagreements?
When a disagreement arises, and it will, how do you handle it? Are their quick and sensible
solutions offered or does a disagreement linger for days on end? How quick are either one of you
to repent to the other? Is pride a factor? When disagreements arise, do you find one another
becoming harsh and insensitive? When you make up, do you feel the issue is really resolved or
swept under? Do you feel afraid to express your feelings? Does the person often threaten to leave
you if you disagree? How often do you pray together?
Question #14 Do you have vision for your life as a couple?
What are your plans and your goals? Are they Christ centered or self centered? Are your visions
realistic and attainable? Are you able to work toward your visions? Is it feasible or fantasy? Do you
both share a similar vision? Are you ridiculed for your vision? Are you embarrassed to share your
vision?
Question #15 Do you like your job?
Assuming both individuals have a job, how do you feel about it? Do you complain every day
about co-workers? Are you always late or call out sick for no reason. Are you a good and
dependable worker? Are you friendly to work with and be around? Have there been complaints
about performance? How stable a worker are you?
Question #16 How much money do you have and how much do you owe?
How good of a financial steward is your friend? Is there a bank account? Any credit cards? Any
loans? Have you reviewed their credit score? If you are contemplating marriage, your credit score
may determine where you live and what you drive. Is this person financially sound? Could he take
care of you if you were to become pregnant? Could she take care of the household if you were to
become ill?
Question #17 What don’t you like about this person?
Not matter how long anyone has been with anyone, there will always be a list of things you will not
like? How do you cope with them? How do they cope with you?
Question #18 What do you like about this person?
Loving a person also involves liking the person. Many have fallen in love with people they don’t
like, but what is it about this person that you like? What do you enjoy about this person and what
do they enjoy about you? The answer should be longer than the answer to the previous question.
As you can see from what I have outline here, the conversation you hold with your friend needs to
be very comprehensive. You may or may not feel comfortable asking them, but if the relationship
is heading for the wedding chapel, I strongly encourage you to take off your rose colored glasses
and see this person for who they really are. Many a marriage would have been saved had the
couples taken the time to study and learn the person whom they were about to marry.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Desires of Your Heart
by Prophetess Delisa Lindsey
“Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way
unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.” Psalms 37:4-5
No matter what we have achieved in life, not having that special someone to share it with leaves
a bitter aftertaste. We weren’t designed to be alone; in fact, God said it is not good for man
(mankind) to be alone. In the beginning, the Father had just created a paradise on earth. The
animals were yoking with their kin, the birds were flying high together, the creatures of the sea
were swimming in their schools, yet Adam had no suitable helpmate. Adam was made CEO of
Eden. He was the government on earth and enjoyed an intimate relationship with the Father. He
had everything he needed, except a helpmate. As lovely as the Garden was, as exotic as the
animals were, as intriguing as the new creation was, he was still alone. Adam was in a crowd, but
he was alone.
God saw Adam’s heart and his yearning for companionship, just like He sees yours. He said, “It is
not good for man to be alone.” When God created you, he filled you with a longing for your other
half. This desire wakes up in each of us about the same time. We long for someone who
complements us, who makes up the shortcomings within us. We long for the touch, the fulfillment of
someone else accepting and loving us other than our immediate families. We yearn for someone
to share a life with.
Psalms 37:4-5 tells us to delight ourselves in the Lord. If the Lord is our delight, we will be satisfied
with Him. No, He can’t offer the same type of companionship of someone in flesh and blood, but if
our hearts are set on pleasing Him and serving Him, the season of single-ness passes much faster
than otherwise. Paul admonishes the unmarried to devote their bodies and minds to the Lord.
Once these are submitted to the Lord, the enemy can’t tempt and seduce as at other times.
Consider Isaac, Abraham’s son (Genesis 24). Once his mother, Sarah, passed, he was lonely and
lacked the companionship of a female, albeit his mother. Isaac kept his mind preoccupied with
caring for his father’s herds and flocks. Abraham saw the loneliness of his son and beckoned to his
servant to secure a suitable mate for Isaac. Abraham was very specific in that he wanted his son
to marry a woman of good stock. He sent his servant to find the young woman who would meet his
son’s needs. The servant was very specific to follow the details Abraham outlined for him and
secured the young woman, Rebekah. Once Rebekah and the servant returned, the bible
mentioned that as the servant and Rebekah returned, Isaac had completed his day’s work and
was in the field meditating. When Rebekah laid eyes on him, she inquired concerning him and
once she discovered he was to be her husband, she jumped off the camel to meet her husband.
There are several lessons to be learned here. First, Isaac was not seeking a wife, although he had
every right to, he chose to remain faithful to his father, Abraham. Spiritually speaking, when we are
faithful to our Father, what good thing(s) would He withhold from us. If we are seeking His Kingdom
and His righteousness, all the desires of our hearts will be added to us. Added to us – means He
freely gives them to us. Just as He formed Eve from Adam’s side, He is forming your mate also. He
knows who you need and what you need better than you think you do. Occupy yourself while you
are waiting. Stay busy for the Lord, volunteer some of your extra time with the youth or the elderly.
Spend time in prayer and meditations, something you may not have so much time to devote to
once you are married and rearing children. Get to know yourself. Pay attention to what makes you
tick, what upsets you, what cheers you. Work on the areas of your life which may be problematic in
your upcoming marriage. Practice cooking, cleaning, and sharing. Most importantly, trust God to
provide a mate for you. Don’t select for yourself. Samson’s testimony would be more effective had
he not fallen for Delilah’s beauty and charm.
Trusting God to provide you with a mate can be a difficult thing to do if you don’t trust Him. If your
faith in the Father is not sufficient to depend on Him, utilize faith builders. Study passages of
scripture on faith. Talk to others in your congregation who are strong in faith. Find good, scriptural
books on faith authored by well known and respected Christian authors. Ask your pastor about
additional resources you may use to encourage you to build a long lasting and trusting
relationship with the Lord.
Isaac trusted his father because he knew his father loved him. He knew that whatever he needed,
his father has always provided, why would he fall short in this area? Marriage is the most important
event in our life, with the obvious except of receiving salvation. Marriage is a life long process
when done according to God’s plan. Marriages fail today because God can’t commit Himself to
something He had no part in. He will keep together what He joined together, He is Alpha and
Omega, beginning and ending. He will see His marriages through, but those who marry for the
wrong reasons, sex, money, glamour, etc, have an expiration date attached to their marriage
license.
Abraham chose Rebekah from good stock. In other words, she descended from a good family. She
was Abraham’s niece. (Marrying a relative is not an option today; the world is densely populated
in these modern times) Nevertheless, he wanted his son to marry a woman who would love his son,
who would submit to him, and properly raise their children. Today, we have legions of hereditary
curses attached to our blood lines ranging from mental illness, physical illness, deformities,
addictions, habits, and tendencies. Unfortunately, familiarizing oneself with a mate’s family is a
thing of the past. The family structure has been horribly broken in our society to the point that we
don’t know who our spouse’s family members are, nor are we able to discern what probabilities
lay in their blood line which may manifest through our spouse at a later or through the children
being born in the marriage. Abraham performed the first genetic test by choosing a mate from his
own family for his son. Unfortunately, we will see Rebekah entice her youngest son, Jacob to
deceive his father, Isaac. He tricked his older brother, Esau out of his birthright, and much later we
will see Laban, Rachel’s brother deceives Jacob. Family genetics are very important in making
choices for marriage. It is always best to let the Lord choose for you.
The last thought on this topic is the zeal with which Rebekah jumped off her horse. (Personally, I
have taught on this subject many times and each time I manage to make the ladies blush!) Isaac
wasn’t the only child submissive to his father; Rebekah was submissive to her father as well. When
the servant found her, she was working on her father’s farm. First impressions are lasting
impressions. You want to marry someone with a work ethic, not someone looking for a free ride or a
way of escape. Both of these individuals were hard workers. In our lazy society, you don’t
encounter many young people with a mind to work to be a blessing to their families. Today’s
generation has their hands out. Scripture says if a man doesn’t work, neither shall he eat.
Practically, the verse says, you can’t enjoy what you haven’t worked for. Rebekah was ready for
marriage as well, but she understood the process involved. She had to wait for the right person to
come along at the right time. Isaac’s father summoned her, just as your Heavenly Father is
summoning your mate. When she arrived, she was ecstatic. Isaac, a strong, virile, wealthy,
handsome, man of God is capable of making any single woman of God jump off her high horse!
Likewise, Isaac, reeling from his mother’s departure and missing her companionship, no doubt
took a double look at this graceful, strong, beautiful, young woman being thrust at him. It is of no
wonder they consummated their marriage that very night! The lesson learned from this is that
when God draws His sons and His daughters together, He moves quickly. He has already
fashioned your hearts and minds together that you may live a life of love and unity. All you need
to do is simply walk therein.
Contrary to popular opinion, marriages are made in Heaven. God drew our purposes and
destinies in mind when He created Heaven and earth. Why wouldn’t He know who your ‘soul’ mate
is? Why wouldn’t you want to wait on Him to provide? Don’t you want His very best? Don’t settle for
cheap imitations when you can have what genuinely belongs to you.
You have suffered many disappointments and broken relationships throughout your life. You may
even feel frustrated and defeated and have given up hope of finding your other half. I want you to
know today that the Lord has prepared the desires of your heart for you. He is preparing your other
half right now. And the more you rest in Him and desire Him; it will surely come to pass.
© 2011 True Love Church of Refuge. Delisa Lindsey. All Rights Reserved.