The Art of Forgiveness
As winds blow from one direction to the other
and the sun rises and set each day, every
marriage will encounter situations which
requires forgiveness. Who’s at fault never
really matters for one day the wife may find
herself vulnerable and the next day, the
husband. We are all human and we all will find
ourselves in very compromising positions. No
matter how loving and trusting our mates are,
they will hurt us. This hurt should never be
intentional, at least not in a healthy
Christian marriage, but it will happen. I have
hurt my husband and he has hurt me, but the
pain inflicted as the result was never
intentional. What made our marriage strong is
how we handled the hurt, the disappointment
and how soon we forgave each other.
Waiting too long to forgive or ask for
forgiveness is a strong indicator that pride
is operating in the areas where humility
should. If we don’t forgive our spouses, how
shall we expect the Heavenly Father to forgive
us? What happens when we don’t forgive? We
open doors to the enemy into our marriage and
in walks spirits of bitterness, anger,
resentment, etc. We can’t afford to allow
something so precious and sacred to be
tarnished and consumed. The enemy hates
marriage, especially Godly marriages. Godly
marriages build strong families, communities,
and churches. It is no wonder Satan desires to
destroy every marriage.
So what happens when we forgive? The issue
should no longer exist. That means when the
urge comes to bring that same situation up
again, it should not be able to come back up.
If you find yourself bringing up a past
conflict into a present situation, you have
not forgiven. When Christ took our sins to
cross of Calvary, the Heavenly Father forgave
us of those sins and He has never brought them
back to our remembrance. They were forgiven
and utterly forgotten. Read More
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A Gentle and Tender Husband
Ephesians 5:25, “Husbands, love your wives,
even as Christ also loved the church, and gave
himself for it;”. Husbands are commanded to
love their wives as Christ loved the Church. So
husbands, Christ is the perfect example to
follow in terms of marital relations. Christ
gave His life for His Bride, He made ultimate
sacrifices that she may reach her fullest
destiny, her glory. Wives were not given this
commandment. Ephesians 5:24, “Therefore as the
church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives
be to their own husbands in every thing.” They
were told to reverence and honor their
husbands, to hold him in the highest esteem and
to submit to him. I know women have made
inroads in a lot of areas, but we will never
outgrow the Holy Scriptures.
God commanded the husbands to love their wives
because He designed women to respond to her
husband’s love. God created woman as the
weaker vessel. 1 Peter 3:7, “Likewise, ye
husbands, dwell with them according to
knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto
the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together
of the grace of life; that your prayers be not
hindered.” She needs to feel loved and
cherished. When a husband shows his wife how
much he loves her, she willingly submits to
him. There is something about a father-daughter
relationship I have observed. Although a mother
may spend the most time with their female
child, the father interacts with his daughter
in a way that makes her feel honored and
special. He makes her feel like she is the most
beautiful little girl on the planet. He is her
knight in shining armor. He is big and strong
and can provide her needs. Although he may be
away most of the day, she squeals with delight
and excitement when she hears his voice at the
end of the day. Daughters love their mothers,
but they love their fathers. They are daddy’s
little girls, not matter what the age, their
fathers can always make them feel like a
special princess. When this woman marries, she
is looking for someone who can love, cherish,
and protect her like her father could. God
commanded this type of love, a fatherly
covering type of love, between a man and his
wife. He is to make her feel special after
being at home rearing the children. He is to
appreciate the sacrifices she makes to work
outside the home and still cook, clean, and
care for their children. Read More
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Communicating with Your Spouse
Building communication with your spouse is a
marriage survival essential. We must learn to
communicate our feelings negatively or
positively without harassing or intimidating
our spouse. Miscommunication is one of the
major causes of arguments in a marriage. It
is very important to be able to convey your
message to your spouse in a way he or she
understands and comprehends.
Your communication will vary based on the
intimacy of your marriage, length of
marriage, and responsibility of marriage
(children, in-laws, stepchildren). For
example, if you and your spouse don’t share
intimacy (closeness and oneness) in marriage,
communication becomes strained because two
ideals are being expressed where there should
be one. Spouses may wonder if the other has
their best interest at heart and simple
discussions may end up becoming offensive to
the other.
Communication before Marriage
Have you ever observed the way you and your
mate communicated prior to marriage? Did you
feel comfortable discussing intimate details
of very personal information about yourself?
If so, this should have presented a very
strong indication that this would be an area
where much work would be required. If you do
not feel comfortable expressing your deepest
darkest inner fears or inhibitions, open
discussions of this nature does not get
easier after marriage. Many couples have
found that the same problems they faced while
dating, follow them into marriage. If open
communication is difficult for either of you,
ask yourself why. Perhaps there are things
you may not want your spouse to know, this a
matter of trust and security which is very
important for a healthy marriage. Work on
these issues right now, it is never too late
to make improvements to your communication.
Are you able to express feelings of
discouragement with your mate without feeling
embarrassed? We should be able to freely
discuss any feelings we are experiencing with
our mate and feel completely comfortable in
doing so. If your mate makes you feel worse
after discussing a problem you are facing.
Work on this issue right now. You should
never be made to feel as if your problems are
menial, they are very important to you and
your mate should be willing to understand and
share in your dilemma. Read More
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Husbands: Give Her Tender Loving Care
Husbands love your wives. This is a simple
command, but it is not easy. For some men,
showing his wife he loves her is inferred by
his going to work everyday to keep a roof over
her head. The fact of the matter is, whether
you are married or not, you must still keep a
roof over your head, so no points for going to
work. Other husbands may feel like telling
your wife you love her every day is
sufficient. Actions speak louder than words, a
common cliché, but so true. So husbands, we
are going to help you give your wife tender
loving care.
Since practice makes perfect, take one week
out of any month, or every month and think of
something you can give to your wife everyday.
It does not have to be expensive or
outrageous. Just a simple original thought
will suffice. Examples may be, flowers, her
favorite candy, perfume, a love note by postal
mail, specialty ink pen, stationary, article
of jewelry, favorite magazine, book by
favorite author, CD, DVD, breakfast in bed
(weekends), foot massage, bottle of bubble
bath, candles, scarf, nail polish, can of her
favorite soup, coffee mug, figurine, hair
accessory, etc. Buy her nice gowns to sleep
in. If you have favorite lingerie you would
like to see her wear for you, run her a warm
bubble bath and place the nightie beside the
tub. Have the candles lit when she emerges
from the bathroom. The items I listed are very
common to women, they don’t cost much, she
would be very grateful for the thought, and
you will reap the benefits, trust me.
Take time to observe your wife, and notice
when she is going through a time of stress.
Then, no matter how busy you are, or how you
feel, reach out and give her a little hug, or
a squeeze of the hand, with some encouraging
words. There are two magic little words which
can make a huge difference to your wife when
she is going through a hard time. Instead of
trying to be a hero and solve all of her
problems, all you need to say is honey, I am
here for you and I understand. Women must feel
like they are understood. If your wife feels
like you understand her, you will have a
friend in her for life. Read More
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Is God first in your Marriage?
God is a jealous God and will have no other
gods before Him. The same applies in our
marriages, God wants to be first. Matthew 6:33,
“seek his kingdom all will be added.” If you
honor God in your marriage, God will honor your
marriage. We have all stood at the altar
repeating vows to each other in front of our
family and friends, but we forget the most
important witness. We forget that God is
watching, He and His heavenly host, are all in
attendance at our weddings. When we make these
vows to our mates and to God, we are expected
to honor them. We are expected to hold those
sayings to be true. We are supposed to treat
our spouses the way we desire to be treated.
When two godly people unite in holy matrimony,
something magical should take place. This is no
ordinary union. Each of you have 1/3 of the
Holy Trinity abiding sweetly inside, that’s a
lot of power!! There should be double the love,
double the compassion, double the courtesy and
respect, and double the joy. The fruits of the
Holy Spirit should be manifesting in double
force. Galatians 5:22, love, joy, peace, etc.
If Jesus is the center of your marriage, His
love will be manifested through each of you to
each of you. Your decisions should be godly,
your children should be godly, your home life
should be godly because the Lord is first in
the marriage.
Perhaps your marriage strayed away from the
course God designed for it. Maybe your marriage
was never dedicated to the Lord in the first
place. Now is a great opportunity to dedicate
your marriage to the Lord. Maybe your spouse is
unwilling. You take the initiative and dedicate
your marriage to the Lord. Put God first and
trust Him to deal with your spouse. Be patient
with him or her while God works and keep
praying. The Lord will honor your submission
and bless your efforts.
Read More
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